Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
