I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
