I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
