so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
