were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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