im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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