Soap is not a condiment
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
