So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
