know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
