Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
