Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
