i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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