just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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