Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
