I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
