It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize