I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
