Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
