Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize