when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
