Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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