Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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