blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
