My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
