The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
