Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
meet me or not, i'm out of control
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
