I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
