thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
