I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
this is an emotional support booty call
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
