the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
