UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
