Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize