theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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