those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize