I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize