Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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