Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
