Too much gin, very little bucket
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
