Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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