I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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