I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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