Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
