just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
