my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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