I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
