final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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