that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
