I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize