That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have already put on my inside pants.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
