I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
