I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
