Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
