dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
