good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize