He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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