i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
