I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
