so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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