I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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