the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i now understand why vodka
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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