I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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