I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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