She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
